Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."
- Ephesians 3:20
Food addiction. Ugly word. Makes me feel ugly just typing it, thinking it, saying it. Why? Because I have finally gotten to the point of standing at the front of the room and saying...Hello, My name is Michelle and I'm addicted to food. I am so frustrated with myself for allowing the world or satan, you choose, to control me this way.
A quiz I took...
Are you a food addict? To answer this question, ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can.
1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? Yeah, when I'm depressed or stressed ou.
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly? Yeah, pretty much 24/7
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? Honestly, I am the Queen of the Yo Yo diet! Name it, I've tried it!
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging? Used to barf my guts up, but haven't done that in awhile. Self mutilation, yeah, nothing like the sound of your own voice ripping yourself to shreds while you stand in front of a mirror.
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people? Yes
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight? Yes.
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)? Yes
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long? Yes
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings? Absolutely
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry? Yes
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later? Not recently
12 Do you eat in secret? Yes
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake? Yes, but I always fail
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food? No
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?" Not recently
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight? ha, I exercise, hurt myself because I'm frustrated, eat because I'm depressed about the exercising...yeah, vicious cycle.
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten? Not recently
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten? All the time
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?" Yeah
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food? Yes
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict.
You are not alone.You are not alone? Really? Honestly, I've never felt so alone in my whole entire life. How can anyone really understand what I'm feeling? This feeling of helplessness against something as mundane as food. I mean really!? I sat here tonight and began writing affirmations to myself and as I did this, certain realities came to me. I have to constantly tell myself that food has NO control over me. I will not worship food as my god as that is a law of God to have NO idols above Him. I have to reprogram myself that when I am hungry out of boredom, sadness, stress, fatigue, whatever other emotion my mind can come up with, I have to ask myself, am I truly hungry or am I trying to fill something inside of me? And be honest with myself! If I'm NOT hungry, I will not eat. I know, I sound so strong and sure, but I know every single day is going to be a struggle for me. Every minute is going to be a struggle for me because I have been in this addictions clutches for entirely too long. I'm going to live by the 3-0-1 plan. 3 meals a day, 0 snacks in between, 1 day at a time. For starters we'll say 1 hour at a time. I am a temple of the Holy Spirit, I was paid for with a price, the price of my precious saviors death. Please God, help me do this.
